Friday, April 29, 2011

When...Is...Royal...Wedding?

Just a few days ago I asked my Mother-in-law (MIL), who was visiting for the weekend,  when the royal wedding was and she looked at me with an expression that clearly read, "What is wrong with you?"    It was familiar to me because it was the exact same expression she used when we first met and I revealed that I was a vegetarian - except then, her dumbfounded look was proceeded by her passing me a dinner plate with a giant summer sausage.   I'm pretty sure she also uttered something about vegetarians being losers.

So, with no one looking over my shoulder, I pulled up my trusty google and typed in "when...is...royal...wedding?".  I was a little shocked to learn it was only days away.  So next, I typed in the obvious: "Who..is...getting...married?"  

Just kidding.  I grocery shop, which puts me waaayyy ahead of all the losers out there who don't stand in line for hours, therefore missing the opportunity to read all the juicy headlines from the gossip rags.  Yes, somedays, my life is so fulfilling.  

Which brings me back to Katie and Willy and their wedding day!   Whoohoo!  Good on you.  And although I love weddings I had no interest whatsoever to wake up at 5am on a Friday morning to watch this thing.  I take sleeping very seriously.  I really have no idea who Kate is and I thought William was still 5 years old.  I'm not a royal watcher and the closest thing in my life to the British is my mother's deep obsession with all things Coronation Street.  And why watch the real thing when you can just instant replay all day long?  I might watch it Friday night when I catch the news around 6ish...

Or... I can find myself lying in bed this morning at 6am staring at the ceiling thinking, "I wonder what her dress looks like?" and quickly racing downstairs to eat my breakfast cereal and take in some royal cheer.  I turned on the tele (see how quickly I can turn?) to hear "....pronouce you man and wife."  It took me about 3 and half seconds to start weeping a little  (don't ever invite me to your wedding.  I sob.  It's humiliating for everyone) and all I could think was, "It actually looks like she might have slept."  How is this humanly possible?  Why don't her eye balls look like they are surrounded by life vests?  I slept for 2 hours the night before my wedding and I locked myself out of the bed and breakfast to look for food.  Why I was looking for food outside in a wooded area at 3am is still a mystery.  But Kate looked relaxed.  As if to say, "What cameras?" 

So I find it utterly unfair that on HER wedding day I'M now exhausted.  

But still, because I'm a generally good spirited human, I would like to leave her with one decent piece of advice:  If the Queen offers you a summer sausage, eat it. 

Oh, and don't go looking for food in a wooded area in the middle of the night. 

Hope that helps.  


4 comments:

  1. Well now this is the most entertaining item I have read today about the wedding. Which I have yet to see :) xo

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  2. Hope it's not too late to jump on board, but since my wife and I now share an anniversary with Will and Kate, we decided to give them some unroyal advice.

    http://idoalready.tumblr.com/post/5043185176/a-truly-historic-day

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  3. As a 35 year old mom to a 3 year old, I watch a lot of Dino Dan. I think your character is great and was curious to find out where you've done work before (and how old you are but I couldn't find you on Wikipedia.....yet! lol) I don't know what prompted me to start reading your blogs but I did and am now finding myself addicted! Your writing and wit goes perfectly together and you have kept me laughing all morning. My daughter went to bed at 9 and woke up at 5 and your blog was exactly what I needed to read after the things I have been saying to her the past 2 hours! Thanks for your honesty and letting us know we're not alone in this journey called motherhood and sometimes we're not always perfect.

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  4. Thanks for reading Heather!

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